random rants

"A lesson is learned but the damage is irreversible"

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old diary: Saturday 2012-04-28

I don’t even remember what everything happened. Woke up late, dicked around, took a preemptive xanax, didn’t feel like anything, but went, met up with Monique, Massimo, Natalia and Laurel and walked around stromovka, sat on a swing, jumped on the trampoline with Laurel, grabbed a kofola, Mirek joined us, then we met Ivana and a bunch of others and Jasna and sat in the shadow and played Frisbee for 20 minutes and then proceeded to Zlata Kovadlina with Monique, Laurel and 3 French girls who joined us. Then Massimo arrived and ordered a duck and 20 minutes a waitress arrived with “DUCK IS NOT”.

Massimo: “What do you mean, there’s no duck? If you told me 20 minutes back I wouldn’t have to sit here hungry!”
waitress: “No, duck is not”
Massimo: “Well then why didn’t anyone tell me that (etc etc)?”
waitress: “Ah, wait”
waitress: *walks away and brings a duck from the kitchen*
Massimo: “Ah! The duck is!”

Then we proceeded to Cross Club where we met L’s host David. Laurel tried to buy me a drink, but I told her to look at a three-headed monkey and I sneaked in 100Kc back into her pocket while she was admiring the animated irons in the lower floor.

Someone mentioned superstition about crossing the beers while saying cheers, and Massimo said that it will lead to 7 years of no sex and I added “Fuck is not!”.

Then her host defended cheating because “everyone is doing it” and Massimo shared stories about picking up and getting picked up and educating friends and I walked home around midnight and had a terrible deja-vu that I’ve seen or heard Laurel somewhere.

Filed under memories personal

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shadowcream replied to your photoset “more trespassing on “the biggest rooftop terrace in Baltic states”

such badass. much rock’n’roll. wow.

Eh, I wouldn’t really post the badass things (as if there were any). This was cute and harmless, that’s why I got other people to do that. But I liked the atmosphere of the stacked chairs, because it was very well hidden from the people on the terrace, and overall it seemed like a good spot for making out or squatting.

Filed under shadowcream of which we did neither

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Love’s Disintegration in Western Society, Pt. 3

Referring to our previous discussion of the mother- or father-centered personality, the following example for this type of neurotic love relation to be found frequently today deals with men who in their emotional development have remained stuck in an infantile attachment to mother. These are men who have never been weaned as it were from mother. These men still feel like children; they want mother’s protection, love, warmth, care, and admiration; they want mother’s unconditional love, a love which is given for not other reason than that they need it, that they are mother’s child, that they are helpless. Such men frequently are quite affectionate and charming if they try to induce a woman to love them, and even after they have succeeded in this. But their relationship to the woman (as, in fact, to all other people) remains superficial and irresponsible. Their aim is to be loved, not to love. There is usually a good deal of vanity in this type of man, more or less hidden grandiose ideas. If they have found the right woman, they feel secure, on top of the world, and can display a great deal of affection and charm, and this is the reason why these men are often so deceptive. But when, after a while, the woman does not continue to live up to their phantastic expectations, conflicts and resentment start to develop. If the woman is not always admiring them, if she makes claims for a life of their own, if she wants to be loved and protected herself, and in extreme cases, if she is not willing to condone his love affairs with other women (or even have an admiring interest in them), the man feels deeply hurt and disappointed, and usually rationalizes this feeling with the idea that the woman “does not love him, is selfish, or is domineering.” Anything short of the attitude of a loving mother toward a charming child is taken as proof of a lack of love. These men usually confuse their affectionate behavior, their wish to please, with genuine love and thus arrive at the conclusion that they are being treated quite unfairly; they imagine themselves to be the great lovers and complain bitterly about the ingratitude of their love partner.

Filed under Fromm Erich Fromm The Art of Loving sociology love the horrors of capitalism mommy issues expectations dating grandiose ideas motherly love