random rants

"A lesson is learned but the damage is irreversible"

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brain dump: July is hot.

I’m genuinely disappointed that it’s not snowing in July.

I do not appreciate waking up to a 20 degree weather.

It’s been a busy week and I will be glad to have a while to compose my thoughts.

I have met a lot of amazing people this month. I feel like it’s just making me want to talk to strangers more than before.


Yesterday I noticed a young woman in Kadriorg - her hair was bright pink, and her dress was neon orange. After hanging out with my friends, my curiosity got, luckily, the best of me, so I walked over to her and her blonde friend.
“Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I really like your hair. Do you mind if I take a picture?”
*they speak Estonian for a few seconds*
“Uh… okay. Together?” she said, pointing at her friend.
“Sure,” I said with a calm smile.

I quickly took two picture, not wanting to bother them for long, knowing they’ll probably turn to be out of focus, but who cares.

"Your hair is really cool. How did you dye it?"
“Uhm. My friend is a, uhm, she’s a hairdresser. So she did this.”
“That’s nice. Thanks. Have a nice evening.”

And I walked away. And I didn’t feel weird, and I realized how even thinking about doing this would have been a big deal for me a few years back, with my heart racing and sweat dripping and stomach grumbling. But none of it happened today. So that was nice.

I left the picnic soon after. Met one of the picnic people, a hipster friend who hates being called a hipster, and I love her despite being a (part) hipster, and we ended up talking for a few more minutes. And it felt good, like those times when I would just stand in the doorway and talk for an hour more with a friend.


I met my Former Crush for a lunch. What seemed like a few minutes ended up being hour and a half, not surprisingly. Time passes faster next to her, and we both have stories and thoughts waiting to be set free. And we did.


My throat didn’t stop hurting. It’s probably caused by stress, sure, and that’s why I didn’t let it get to me. I can move. I’m okay. Let it hurt. Happiness isn’t about running away from all pain. I’ll be patient with my body.

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